Mayor Zohran Mamdani speaking at a FIFA World Cup press conference in Central Park on June 8, 2026. James Messerschmidt for the NY Post See more of our coverage in your search results.
Add The New York Post on Google Put honor back in Hizzoner NYC’s current mayor — Zero Crapdammy.
So what’s it take to be a mayor? The dictionary defines “mayor” as: chief magistrate of a city.
So this was de Blasio? Whose wife’s duties maybe included hugging an ATM?
Secondary definition: a minor judicial officer. Like maybe the not-so-major Eric Adams?
La Guardia grabbed an airport named after him. Koch got some small street someplace. Long ago’s Robert Van Wyck — whom nobody remembers — is a highway. Crapdammy — maybe a dead end. To match his own dead end that sat on a bicycle during an Israeli parade.
Bloomberg was richest. He could buy the Statue of Liberty and stick her on his end table. Youngest? Hugh Grant in 1889 and he was only 30. Back then — before Ozempic — it bought 10 pounds of bacon but what you’d do with all that bacon only a pig knows. John Mitchel, just in his 30s, was 1914. Today, nobody knows what John did. Or cares. Nothing got named for him unless you include your bathroom.
Tammany Hall. All was nice neat crime. Graft. Stealing. Conning. Lying. Sort of rehearsal for today’s world.
A Hizzoner is principal officer of a principality. OK, so shove places like — let’s say — up yours, Montana. A burning question in this case is: What’s a mayor do? Besides inhaling warm tuna salad sandwiches at a rally. Or getting a motorcade instead of his usual crappy bike. Or living on the arm at Gracie Mansion instead of possibly a one-bedroom in Bed-Stuy. Plus, in this case, a hairdresser for his wife the Private Citizen.
Means you run public schools, plus the NYPD before Tisch hustles to become our next mayor, cut ribbons, help the homeless, oversee healthcare, smile as you read line-by-line your prewritten speech, pee on everything but your office, show up for each photo opportunity, handshake, do televised tastings and praise whatever pigmy is running the LIRR. Also: oversee municipal agencies, manage the annual budget which supports the pals you put in office (ours being the largest budget in captivity), also appoint commissioners, shape public policy, earn more than you’ve been making before and appoint more pals to put in office. Plus, for God’s sake — keep paws off and protect us from bankruptcy. Just send it all straight off to the feds.
Salary’s about $250,000, possibly more than you ever glommed onto before.
That’s what it takes to be a mayor — not primarily what’s a mayor take when he gets to be mayor because this already reels in more than I have room for.
Even if they’re flashing Elon’s photo on the RKO Moon — understand, we are the world’s absolute, no doubt No. 1 city in all of captivity.
Earth has nothing like us — like maybe what — like, maybe downtown Transylvania? Shove the rest of the universe. Imagine we’re all pulling for our telephone-carrying, education-evading, drug-ingesting candidates from maybe wherever downtown Kansas is, right?
Look: They don’t come any smarter, tougher, wiser, richer than we are. Or were. And NYC’s el supremo mayor is newly elected El Lefto.
Get your sandlogged tuna, dry burgers, warm iced tea, week-old watermelon, crappy coffee, wilted salad and month-old popcorn ready. Coming is July 4.
It’s everywhere, but mostly just in America, kids. Mostly just in America.
