There are nights in the NBA when the game feels secondary to the star power sitting courtside on celebrity row.
Like a kid walking through a museum of modern pop culture, the faces you grew up watching on stage and screen are suddenly right in front of your eyes arguing with referees like it’s a Game 7 of their own lives.
And there’s no stage bigger when it comes to celebrity row than Los Angeles and New York.
Crypto.com Arena, formerly Staples Center in downtown Los Angeles, is where the top celebrities in movies, television, music, sports, tech and more flock to watch Luka Doncic, LeBron James and the Lake Show in action.
At Madison Square Garden, the celebrities aren’t scattered around like they are in LA. They’re seated shoulder to shoulder like a front-row orchestra that never misses a note.
Both celebrity fan bases are loyal; they’re lifers and diehards.
So, what would happen if we turned those courtside legends into two separate teams based on their fandom?
The head coach of the celebrity Lakers team is easy. Jack Nicholson, the godfather of purple and gold since the Showtime era at the Great Western Forum. He still looms over the franchise like a patron saint. He doesn’t come to games as regularly anymore, but his courtside seats have been passed on to his son, Ray.
Here’s the Lakers’ roster of celebrities to choose from:
Snoop Dogg, Flea (but the entire Red Hot Chili Peppers band), Leonardo DiCaprio, Tobey Maguire, Dyan Cannon, Will Ferrell, Denzel Washington, Jack Black, Lou Adler, Michael B. Jordan, Kendrick Lamar, Jimmy Iovine, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Martin Lawrence, Andy Garcia, Dr. Dre, Ice Cube, Dustin Hoffman, Paula Abdul, Justin Timberlake, Jay-Z, Beyonce, David Arquette, Magic Johnson, Matthew Stafford, Mookie Betts, Odell Beckham Jr., Puka Nacua, Dan Reynolds of Imagine Dragons, Justin and Hailey Bieber, George Lopez, Salma Hayek, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Halsey, Tom Cruise, Anze Kopitar, Bill Maher, Adam Sandler, Bad Bunny, Emily Ratajkowski, Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis, Steven Spielberg, Eddie Murphy, Lily Collins, Lil Wayne, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Nicholas Hoult, Brenda Song and Macaulay Culkin, Kate Hudson, Arsenio Hall, Nicholas Braun, Adele, Will.i.Am., Adam Levine and Maroon 5, Sarah Silverman, Jimmy Kimmel, Pat Sajak, Jonah Hill, David Spade, Chris Rock, David Beckham, Robert Downey Jr., Jon Favreau, Two Chainz, Kid Cudi, The Weeknd, Brian Grazer, Ron Howard, Courteney Cox, Steve Carell, Laura Dern, Chris Ivery, Jay Mohr, Jason Sudeikis, Saweetie, David Harbour, Hailee Steinfeld, Kendall Jenner, Kim Kardashian, Corey Gamble, Kris Kardashian, Khloe Kardashian, Simon Baker, Lamar Odom, Kourtney Kardashian, Travis Barker, Aaron Donald, Cooper Kupp, Brie Larson, Charlize Theron, Usher, Jamie Foxx, Terrell Owens, Josh Brolin, Cameron Diaz, Antonio Banderas, Kylian Mbappé, Tyga, John Legend and Chrissy Teigen — and so many more.
Denzel would be your floor general. His voice in the huddle would command attention. Remember his performance in “Training Day”?
We came to learn recently that DiCaprio has struck up a secret friendship with LeBron James. The A-lister actor who is regularly seen courtside at Lakers games would be the silent assassin. Black hat and glasses, he’ll show up when you least expect it.
Every team needs chaos, and Ferrell brings it in waves. He’s the emotional spark plug, the guy who takes a charge, dives into the stands and somehow makes it funny and heroic at the same time.
Flea and Ferrell are your energy guys. All motion and all heart. Flea could be a defensive menace, like Marcus Smart on the current roster.
Bieber is your 3-point shooter and ball handler. He’s not afraid of the big moment or of the spotlight in Los Angeles.
Bench mob: Mookie Betts, Eddie Murphy, Tobey Maguire, Dyan Cannon, Andy Garcia, Halsey and Dustin Hoffman.
At the Garden, the head coach of the celebrity Knicks is Spike Lee. There’s nobody else. No debate. No discussion. He’s the pulse, the historian, the heartbeat stitched into every era.
Here’s the Knicks’ roster of celebrities to choose from:
Ben Stiller, Adam Horovitz, Chris Rock, Howard Stern, Jon Stewart, Taylor Swift, Jimmy Fallon, Kal Penn, Ricky Gervais, Paul Simon, Liam Neeson, Katie Holmes, David Duchovny, Judd Hirsch, Norman Reedus, Adam Sandler, Niall Horan, Al Roker, Timothee Chalamet and Kylie Jenner, Alan Alda, John Mulaney, Drew Barrymore, John McEnroe, Vince Vaughn, Chris Pratt, Jay-Z and Beyonce, John Turturro, Ed Sheeran, Nicholas Turturro, Henrik Lundqvist, Martha Stewart, Mariska Hargitay, Ray Romano, Jeff Garlin, Christopher Meloni, Larry David, Susie Essman, Lorne Michaels, Leon Robinson, Kevin Bacon, Kevin Connolly, Fat Joe, Bette Midler, Maria Menounos, Whoopi Goldberg, Patrick Ewing, John Starks, John Hamm, Edie Falco, Christine Taylor, Tina Fey, Tracy Morgan, Michael J. Fox, Pete Davidson, Anne Hathaway, Carmelo Anthony, 50 Cent, Emmy Rossum, Bill Murray, Julianne Moore, Alicia Keys, Swizz Beatz, Cardi B, Jerry Seinfeld, Leslie Jones, JB Smoove, Stephen A. Smith and more.
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Stiller is the glue guy every team needs. No Knicks fan wears wins and losses quite like him.
Chalamet is the new wave, the bridge between generations. On the court, he’s young, flashy and effortlessly cool. He’s the player you build a franchise around.
Morgan brings heart to this team. He’s real, unfiltered and isn’t afraid to tell his teammates how it is. He’s the kinda player the city will wrap its arms around.
Fey is the strategist on the court. She has a sharp mind and even sharper instincts. She’s the player/coach every great team needs.
Stewart is the passion and the vocal leader of the team. He’d be the one taking charges and demanding more from his teammates. He’s the grit NYC is built on.
Bench mob: John McEnroe, Mariska Hargitay, Larry David, Chris Rock, Adam Sandler, Fat Joe, Michael J. Fox.
Two cities. Two identities. But they both live courtside.
These lists were composed of more recent celebrities who are seen consistently at games the past few seasons.
