Close your eyes for a second and picture this:
A packed NBA arena somewhere far from Los Angeles — maybe it’s in Milwaukee, or Memphis, Orlando, or Indianapolis — and out of the tunnel walks the most recognizable basketball player on the planet wearing your team’s jersey.
He’s announced in the starting five alongside your team’s superstar.
“At forward, No. 23, standing 6-foot, nine out of St. Vincent’s St. Mary’s High School…LeBron James!”
That’s the most recent retirement tour idea being floated by “Dan in Manhattan Beach,” — LeBron James signing one-week contracts with all 30 NBA teams next season for the ultimate farewell tour.
Think about it like Taylor Swift’s ERAS tour only in the NBA. It would be the most absurd traveling circus in the history of professional sports.
Bill Simmons read Dan’s idea as a half-serious experiment on a podcast for his website The Ringer on Tuesday.
“What if instead of signing with any one team for next season, LeBron makes his retirement tour an actual retirement tour by signing a one-week contract with all 30 teams?” Simmons suggested to his co-host David Jacoby, reading Dan’s idea on the podcast.
One week with each franchise. At least one home game start. Limited-edition jerseys everywhere. Every city gets its moment with LeBron James.
“This will never happen,” his co-host David Jacoby admitted. “But this is a brilliant idea.”
Of course it won’t. The NBA would collapse under the paperwork alone.
James throwing lobs to Anthony Edwards in Minnesota.
Running the pick-and-roll with Nikola Jokic in Denver.
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A three-headed monster of James, Kyrie Irving and Cooper Flagg in Dallas.
A reunion in Miami, a reunion in Cleveland, heck a reunion with the Lakers!
Merchandise sales would explode. Ticket prices in every city across the country — including Canada would go through the stratosphere. Every city would be guaranteed at least one surreal night where the King briefly ruled their kingdom.
He would mathematically guarantee himself a championship ring no matter which team wins the Finals. A walking insurance policy for basketball immortality. And at the end of it all, James gets to pick which team he wants to play for in the NBA Playoffs.
It’s ridiculous. It’s impossible. And it might just be genius.
The alternative is James retires and we never get the farewell tour we’ve all been waiting for. Or, he stays with the Lakers or re-signs with the Cavaliers. Been there, seen that.
In an era where sports often feel painfully predictable, maybe the craziest idea of all is to turn LeBron’s final act of his career into the biggest traveling show the NBA has ever seen.
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