69 Songs of Middle Earth

The Electricty in the Air Before a Good Siege

Larping at the Blind Guardian Concert

Orc Blade Plunged Deep Into Elven Flesh

Gollum Was a Crack Baby

Witch That Lives in the Trees

The Water Temple Can Suck My Ass

Crowdfunding to Buy Myself Chainmail

Drawn and Quartered Varg Finally Dies

Going for a Hike and Finding a Black Metal Promo Shoot

Cursed Dagger of the Lee‐Hon‐Tuc

My Blade, My Honor, My Suffrage

Thine Torch Igniting Ceremonial Fireworks

M’Lord Is Midieval for Daddy

I Got Roasted by a Guy Wearing a Fedora at a Ren Fair

Masturbaiting to the Elves in Skyrim

Small Sword, Smaller Dick

Lack of Basic Hygiene Doesn’t Make You a Viking

Stabbing the Winner of Varg’s Tabletop R.P.G.

Calling Your Mother’s Basement Your Dungeon

Sexual Fantasy Involving an Orc and a Dwarf

Frolicking Naked in the Trees Because You’re a Wizard

Mark McCoy Before He Was Hipster Black Metal Semen

Ishan Before He Thought He Was in Dream Theater

Mayhem: A Career Made on Two Corpses

Big Sword, Microscopic Penis

That Feel When Good Siege

I Liked Harry Potter Better When He Was in Troll

Using Black Magic to Get Myself a Date

Leading the Charge

Into the Mines of Morea

I Live in a Hut in the Woods With Ildjarn

I Can’t Wait for the Lords of Noisecore to Put a Hit Out on Me

Using Flash During a Black Metal Show to Ruin the Ambience

Wolves in the Throne Room Are a Bunch of Fucking Nerds

I’m From Texas I Don’t Know What Winter Is

You Smell Like an Mmo Player

It’s Not Caps Lock, It’s Kvlt Lock, Dipshit

I Was Born in the Wrong Time, I Want to Lead a Crusade

Leading a Midieval Campain to 711 for Mountain Dew

Beating Up Nerds Outside of the Kamelot Concert

Dungeon Synth: Trve Incel Music

Graveland’s Instagram Sharing Star Wars Memes

Rob Darken Looks Like My Grandma

Getting Lyrical Themes From Runescape

Ildjarn Is a School Teacher

Mortiis Looks Like a Digimon

Cave Dwelling Dungeon Synth Fan

The Trees Tell Me Many Things, Like Where to Score Pcp

This Rock in the Forest Looks Like a Member of a Boston Punk Band

Chainmail Protects Me From Blades but Not Your Insults

Bringing a Sword to a Punk Show to Scare Poseurs

Dear Knight, I Must Commend Your Skullet

Eating From Ye Olde Pizza Cart

Forgotten Forest Path, Leading to a Meth Lab

Spell Book Containing a Couple of Spells

Satan Is M’Lord

Hanging Out With My Fellow Incels at the Iced Earth Concert

Christopher Lee’s Power Metal Band

Drunkenly Slogging Around Demanding People Drink Your Potion

My Dear, Sweet, Combat Alchemist

The Power of the Full Moon Charging My Boner

My Huge Heathen Maypole

I’m a Wizard and My Magic Is Meth

I Work at Midieval Times to Get Drunk on Mead

Peasents Who Think Burzum Is Good

Nobels Who Know That Ildjarn Is Truth

Going From Punk to Pissing Cave Dweller

Truecrime Songs Are Fucking Stupid

Faust From Emperor Is Free to Kill Again