Album · 2005
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
Tracklist
Disc 1
1
Principles of Egyptian Salesmanship
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
0:25
2
Dr. Whilton Popple’s Personal Slave II
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
3:51
3
Fantastic!
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
0:27
4
Brian Tracy Caesar Salad
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
2:21
5
Chariots of the Sales Gods
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
3:03
6
I’m an Artist and I Shouldn’t Have to Work for a Living!
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
2:51
7
Hardball 2 (Estradasphere)
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
3:21
8
Cap’n Jack’s Straight‐From‐the‐Can Applefish!
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
1:00
9
James Pitts in Bondage IV: Moving Target
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
3:13
10
Maximum Volumizer
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
3:50
11
Higher (Creed)
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
3:24
12
H2o2verphone Telethon
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
4:11
13
The Boy With the Perfectly Square Butthole Strikes Back
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
2:00
14
Drink the Secret Milkshake
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
0:37
15
Every Child Is a Creator
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
0:12
16
I Don’t Wanna Be a Salesman!
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
2:18
17
Ring Around the Hedgehog
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
5:46
18
Metronomes & Make‐Up
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
4:11
19
You’re Not My Hero Anymore
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
2:28
20
Brunch With Bronco Nagasaki
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
0:09
21
Not Ready for Retail?
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
1:40
22
Check Out Our Exclusive Fall Season Spectacular of Indestructible Bra Hooks
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
3:24
23
When the Sales Gods Compute Your Karmic Worth, You Can Join Your Mystic Brethren in the Center of the Earth
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
0:54
24
Let’s Move (dance mix)
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
2:18
25
The Monkey Steals the Peaches
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
3:19
26
Fake Boobies!
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
1:11
27
How to Pretend You’re Stupid Like Everyone Else So You Can Become Gainfully Employed and Enjoy Your Limited Time on This Fucking Useless Planet in Just Five‐Zillion Easy Steps!
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
4:53
28
I Hate Retro!
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
3:26
29
Poking the Eye of the Beholder
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
1:05
30
Prelude to Mundus Imaginalis
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
1:01
31
Dennis Rodman Fukking Basketball 1998
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
1:15
32
Mary Go Buy, Buy, Buy, Buy, Buy, Buy, Buy, Buy, Buy, Buy!
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
0:50
33
Ultimate Radio Interview That Will Make Me Famous Forever
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
1:48
34
The World Is Brainwashed Catering, LLC
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
2:55
Disc 2
1
What Is the Concept Behind This Huge, Unlistenable Album?
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
0:59
2
Hemisphere III: Hermes
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
20:03
3
If a Composer Falls in the Woods…
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
3:06
4
TJ’s Original Surrogate Activity Soup! (Made From 100% Instead of Ingredients!)
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
0:22
5
The Best Job in the World (Sales Is)
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
2:05
6
The Ultimate Artistic Medium Is the Consciousness of Other People
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
0:16
7
Food Pirates of Galpheve IV
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
2:41
8
Normal Life Is Boring!
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
3:55
9
No‐No, the Headless Ant
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
5:20
10
There’s a Market for Everything but Me
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
0:14
11
God Bless the RIAA!
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
2:17
12
Coagula Et Solve or Something
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
0:51
13
Bad Imitation of Buckethead?
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
3:07
14
Food Magnetizer
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
1:33
15
How to Quit Your Job and Make Millions!
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
4:44
16
Sir Millard Mulch’s Olde Tyme Parade of Magickal Amusements
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
2:24
17
From Selling Nothing to Selling Nothing
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
2:51
18
And the Merchants of Earth Shall Weep and Mourn
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
0:54
19
Shit From an Old Minutemen Song
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
0:12
20
I’m Just an Artsy Chick With an Acoustic Guitar (You Think)
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
2:27
21
Geophagyopathy & You!
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
2:11
22
The Modern Day Comparison Refuses to Die!
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
1:08
23
Saleswoman of the Year
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
0:16
24
Unknown Triumph (Schlegel)
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
3:37
25
And Now, the Moment You’ve All Been Waiting For…
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
0:06
26
The World’s Greatest Salesman!
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
6:10
27
All Sales Finale!
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
0:40
28
The Great Strength of Our Professional Affiliations / How to Spend Music Industry Currency
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
3:24
29
Bankruptcy & Beyond!
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
0:06
30
WoM Battle Theme (−$6,000)
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!
1:34
Disc 3
1
Mundus Imaginalis / Journey to the Underworld of Buyer’s Remorse
How to Sell the Whole F#@!ing Universe to Everybody… Once and for All!